Feeling Hopeless and Wondering About the State of My Iman

Assalamu alaikum. I’ve been dealing with a lot of sadness lately because of issues at home, stress from school, and, the most foolish thing, feeling insecure about not being married yet. I get that dating isn’t allowed, but how can I hope to marry a good, kind, and respectful spouse if I don’t even know what a healthy relationship looks like? This has made me really down and sometimes I wish I could just disappear, but I would never actually harm myself because I know that suicide is haram. Is it sinful just to have these thoughts? Does this mean my iman is weak?