Seeking Guidance Back to Islam – Any Sisters with Similar Struggles?

Assalamu alaikum, I’ll keep this short because I don’t want to overwhelm anyone with too much detail. I was raised Muslim but faced a lot of trauma-spiritual abuse, physical harm, and being left without family in foster care. Now in my mid-20s, I’ve dealt with severe mental health challenges since I was 12, was on medication for a decade (stopped last year), and was hospitalized twice. I live with a flatmate, work, and study, but I have no family around. I struggle with thoughts of not wanting to be here, almost daily, and yet my heart keeps turning back to Allah. It’s hard to connect with other Muslims around me-they don’t seem to understand the depth of what I’ve been through, which is fine, but I really want to reconnect with the faith and its guidance. Even listening to the Quran is tough because of past abuse, and my mind can’t focus due to being neurodivergent. Can anyone suggest practical steps? The local masjid has safety issues, especially for women, so I don’t feel safe going there. Online, I find so many conflicting opinions. When I talk to people who haven’t lived through similar pain, they just tell me to pray and everything will be fine-but it’s not that simple with CPTSD. My life feels like a mess, but I keep thinking about Allah’s love and patience, and I try to reflect those qualities. I feel like I’m missing so much. If you know of any online resources or speakers-especially sisters who share their experiences-please let me know. May Allah ease all our struggles.