Feeling Lonely on the Path – Am I Losing Trust in Allah's Plan?
Assalamu alaikum, everyone. As I'm in the process of searching for a spouse, I've noticed that certain moments hit differently. I don't feel that pang when I watch Muslim couples online making du'a together after Salah, or when I see families out for a happy walk, or even when I notice couples dressed in coordinating outfits. But today it hit me hard-I found myself crying while reading the Quran. What set it off? My sister-in-law, who was breaking her fast away from us today, called my brother to share that she got a job offer, and he was the first person she wanted to tell. Alhamdulillah for her success, and we all congratulated them. But for the past few hours, I can't shake the thought: I don't have that one person to call when something good happens to me. I'm really trying to be a better Muslim-to hold onto hope and trust in Allah's timing. A few years back, I was in a haram relationship, had male friends, didn't pray or fast. Now, Alhamdulillah, I've ended all that, cut off inappropriate connections, and I'm working on my deen: striving to pray regularly, fast, and improve each day. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying my best. Most of my female friends are married, and I feel like I have less and less in common with them. Their conversations revolve around their kids, in-laws, and home life, and I just feel stuck. I know this is a low moment and insha'Allah by tomorrow I won't remember crying, but there's this dull ache that lingers. The loneliness is real. I even avoid hanging out sometimes because I'm embarrassed-even my 'chill' friends ask why I'm not married yet. Sometimes I feel guilty for crying, like maybe I'm not fully trusting Allah's timing. Will it get better, insha'Allah?