When Praying Feels Like It's Just Words
Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I don’t really see myself as the most practicing Muslim out there, but this Ramadan, I’ve actually tried a bit-maybe not a lot compared to many, but for me, it’s a step. I’ve let go of some things that can break my fast and salah, managed to fast every day, and caught a few prayers here and there. We all have our own battles, and mine’s always been with prayer. For different reasons, especially from when I was younger, praying just feels hard sometimes. This Ramadan, the only times I’ve gotten up to pray are because I get this guilt, and then a little peace afterward. Usually, I pray, make dua, and I’m okay. But today after Fajr, when I made dua, I couldn’t shake this weird feeling of doubt and worry. It was like my dua felt totally fake-like I was asking Allah for forgiveness and to help me be better, but deep down, I wasn’t sure if I really meant it or even wanted it. It kinda upset me, honestly. Normally, I’d joke and say it’s just waswas from Shaytan, but this felt like it came straight from my heart, and I can’t get it out of my head. I’m wondering if others feel this way too. I’m usually around really dedicated Muslims, and I’m scared to bring up stuff about doubting or questioning iman with people, worried they might judge.