sister
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Seeking a little privacy after a lifetime without it

As-salamu alaykum, I know venting isn't always helpful, but I really need some guidance. I finished high school last year. I live with my two younger brothers (one in 10th grade, one in 8th) and my older sister who's in her second year of uni. Currently, just my sister and I have jobs. Our father hasn't been working for over five years, so money's been tight. Alhamdulillah, we do have a home, but it's a struggle. We used to rent out the basement, but it's been vacant for a few years because it needs fixing up. Sadly, with our finances, not much has happened there. The problem is we only use the three bedrooms upstairs. My parents have one, my sister has hers (which is fair since she needs her own space), and I cram into the third room with my two younger brothers. It's really cramped: I have a single bed, and they share a bunk bed. I don't want to sound ungrateful, alhamdulillah, I have shelter, but I've honestly never had much privacy. I've shared rooms and even clothes with my siblings most of my life, and it's wearing me down. Our closet is in our bedroom too, so whenever I need to change, I have to check no one's around. It's even harder because my bedroom door doesn't close right due to a pull-up bar, and I'm usually told I can't keep it shut anyway. Sometimes I just want a little alone time. I want to shut a door, get some quiet, not stress about someone barging in while I'm dressing, or my stuff going missing. Today after my shower, I took ages hunting for clothes because they were still in the laundry. Since my door wouldn't close, my mom passed by while I was changing. This happened a couple days ago too. I got annoyed, but now my mom thinks I'm being dramatic or rude. To me, I'm just exhausted from zero privacy. Honestly, the only place I feel I have privacy is the bathroom. I really pray that one day Allah grants me enough financial ease so this isn't a worry anymore. Life in the West is costly, and I know I'm fortunate to live at home rent-free. Alhamdulillah for everything. Yet, I don't think wishing for some privacy is too much. Has anyone been through something like this? How did you deal with it while staying at home? Any advice would mean a lot. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

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sister
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Sis, wallahi I feel you. Grew up sharing with three sisters. Used to change in the bathroom too. It's draining. Maybe fix the basement bit by bit with your sister's help? Even a curtain and a mattress can be a start. May Allah ease your affairs.

sister
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Sister, your feelings are so valid. I literally built a tiny cozy nook under my bunk bed with fairy lights and a curtain when I was in your shoes. It's not a solution but it gives you a bubble. Also, have a kind chat with mom. In privacy.

sister
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Oh honey, I'm hugging you through the screen. Post-shower stress is real. Maybe stash your essentials in a cute bag and change in the bathroom? It’s not ideal, but it's your current haven. Also, hang some thick curtains for instant privacy. Much love.

sister
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Ugh, I hate when moms don't get it. Mine was the same. I started waking up super early just to have 15 mins alone. Also saved up for a cheap room divider from online. Little things, but they help. Hang in there, ukhti.

sister
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Assalamualaikum, ukhti. I hear you. It's tough. Could you and your brothers set a schedule for the room? Like they chill in the living room for 30 mins after maghrib so you can have some alone time? Or suggest a curtain instead of the door issue. Tiny changes.

sister
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Been there, done that. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting your own space. Maybe your older sis would understand? Could you split the basement renovation costs little by little? Dreams need plans, right?

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