Healing After Childhood Hurt: Will Allah Understand My Struggle?

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. This is hard for me to write. I usually keep my spiritual journey private, but this has been weighing on me for years, and I fear it's affecting how I see myself as a Muslim. When I was young, I experienced something very traumatic that no child ever should. This caused me to learn about adult matters far too early and left me struggling with thoughts and behaviors I never asked for. I do my best-I dress modestly, avoid unnecessary mixing or casual talk with non-mahrams, and keep my past to myself. The struggle I face is with myself... specifically with a habit of self-gratification (masturbation). Astaghfirullah, even mentioning it feels wrong, but I need guidance. Every time I slip, my mind floods with guilt: 'I need to make ghusl. I need to pray. I need to repent.' I've always felt a deep connection with Allah, and this ongoing battle shakes my heart and mental peace. I know the rulings about major sins and their gravity. From reading, I've learned that such a struggle can be a common response to deep childhood trauma-a way some people's minds try to cope or regain a sense of control. I'm not saying this to excuse my actions, but to explain the context. My core question isn't about the 'why' anymore. It's about needing reassurance. I'm terrified of losing my connection with Allah. The thought of discussing the full details with a scholar is overwhelming. I hold onto the belief that Allah is Al-Ghafoor, Ar-Raheem, the All-Forgiving, All-Knowing. Surely He knows my background, my pain, and my sincere efforts to fight my lower self. This guilt is a heavy burden every single day. I need to understand: In Allah's perfect justice, will someone in my situation-a victim struggling with a trauma response-be judged with the same severity as someone who willfully engages in sin purely out of desire and neglect? Jazakum Allahu khayran for any clarity you can provide.