Feeling lost as a new Muslim :(

Assalamu alaikum. I don't really know how to begin this, and it feels kinda weird to share my feelings like this, but I need to get some stuff off my chest and ask for advice. I'm a high school junior in New York City, and honestly, I feel totally alone. I embraced Islam last month, hoping it would help with my mental health struggles, and it has really guided me-I often remind myself that whatever is meant for me will reach me. But I still feel really unstable inside. I'm constantly scared of being alone. My family is Chinese and Buddhist, and I'm terrified of them finding out I'm Muslim and how they'd react. I feel guilty because my grandma prays to Buddha for my 'sickness,' which is basically my lack of motivation, eating issues, constant nausea, and just not wanting to live. When my mom asks what's wrong, how do I tell her I have no will to live? I've seen a doctor and got antidepressants, and they recommended a psychiatrist and therapy, but my mom doesn't want me to go. She doesn't get how bad it is, and she doesn't know I used to hurt myself (I've stopped since I reverted). My eating disorder is a big struggle too-I can't keep food down without feeling sick. It's like I'm in a war with myself. Every time I eat, I feel guilty and want to purge. I think about people suffering in conflicts or struggling to survive, and here I am with privileges like a comfortable life and enough food. I feel so spoiled, wasting these chances because of my mental health. But then I swing between telling myself it's okay to feel this way and that everyone has struggles, and then back to guilt over others' hardships. It's exhausting. On top of depression, I deal with imposter syndrome as a new Muslim. I feel so new to everything and sometimes envy sisters who wear hijab or grew up with the faith, blending it so well with their culture. I wish I had guidance and Muslim friends to talk to about religion. Learning Arabic is tough, I don't know how to recite the Quran well, and I still need videos to help with prayer. I just feel incredibly alone. Sometimes, dark thoughts creep in about giving up, but I know I'd never act on them. I understand that Allah (swt) tests us to make us stronger, and I trust He will ease my burdens, but it hurts feeling like my will to live is slipping away. I yearn for Jannah and know I'd never harm myself; I even feel guilty for wanting to die when others have it worse. Please, if you can, share your thoughts, offer advice, make dua for me, or just send some good vibes my way. I'm sorry if I sound like a whiny teen-I know there are bigger things in life, but my mental health is at its limit, and I just want to be heard for once. JazakAllah khair.