The Struggle of Making Duaa and Waiting for Allah's Response
As-salamu alaykum, brothers and sisters. This year has been really tough for me. No matter how much effort I put into making duaa and trusting Allah, big changes just don't seem to come my way. Back in 2020, I started having severe tinnitus - this constant ringing in my ears. Those few years were so hard, I honestly felt like giving up every morning. Alhamdulillah, after five years it's gotten better and most days are okay, but I still wish it would completely go away. Every duaa I make is full of hope, but sometimes I wonder, if Allah wanted it gone, wouldn't it have disappeared by now? Some days it gets worse and I really struggle with it. I wish the sound was at least constant so I could get used to it. This year, I lost my beloved rabbit suddenly. I miss him a lot. Then I lost my job and have been searching for another one. No luck so far. I have an interview next week, but it's not the kind of job or salary I want. I was planning to apply to university to become a vet this year, but losing my job meant I couldn't save enough for it. I will try again next year, but the competition is tough. I might attempt two or three times. But sometimes I wonder, if I get married or have a child, will I be able to enjoy my work or my earnings? Being a mother is a big responsibility, and I won’t be able to work full-time or fully enjoy my career or money. I met someone this year but things didn’t work out. I pray to Allah to help me forget him, but months later, he still crosses my mind often. I do lots of istighfar and pray tahajjud every night, but sometimes I feel like, what's the point? Allah will respond when He wills. I’m just so tired and emotionally drained from asking. When I hear stories of people whose duaas are answered quickly, I feel happy for them, but I wish mine would be answered that fast too. Istighfar used to bring me peace, but lately it hasn’t. Most days I feel sad and heavy inside. I just want to feel peaceful. I’m so tired of repeating the same duaas and feeling this weight on my heart. How do you all cope with this feeling?