Overwhelmed by Guilt, Yet Finding Solace in Allah's Mercy

Assalamu alaikum everyone. I'm really struggling with something heavy on my heart. Lately, I've been slipping into sins-missing prayers, not lowering my gaze, listening to music, and other small things. The guilt eats me up, and when I turn to Allah in repentance, I feel even worse because I know I should stop, yet I keep falling back. It's like I'm disobeying on purpose, and that thought crushes me. I'm going through deep depression right now. Simple things like getting out of bed or brushing my teeth feel impossibly hard. There's this constant dread hanging over me, and these sins offer a tiny bit of relief, even though I truly believe real peace comes only from Allah. A lot of this stems from loneliness. I feel isolated, misunderstood, and unloved by people around me. There's a saying I hold onto, though I'm not sure if it's authentic: 'Allah is as His servant thinks of Him.' So I cling to the hope that He is the Most Forgiving and that He understands my state-how I'm barely holding on, how every breath is a struggle, how hard it is to keep hoping. Because I deeply believe no one loves me more than Allah, and what pains me most is the lack of understanding from others, I think He loves me enough to see my struggle. To me, love means being understood and shown empathy. So I tell myself, 'Allah forgives easily, ups and downs are normal.' For instance, two days ago I only prayed one salah absentmindedly, but yesterday I managed all five with improvement. I use that to comfort myself, to avoid the pressure and guilt that might push me over the edge. But I'm torn. Am I just making excuses and being lazy? Or is it okay to lean on Allah's mercy when I'm this broken? I don't want to be ungrateful, but I also need to feel loved and seen by the One who loves me most.