Is it okay to be this introverted, as a Muslim?
As-salamu alaykum. I'm a 19-year-old girl and I really struggle with social situations. I'm not shy in the usual way and I'm friendly, but I just can't stand being around people for hangouts or long conversations. After I have to be social so I don't seem rude, I go home feeling awful and embarrassed about everything I said or did, and I slip into bad habits like scrolling my phone or picking at my skin - things I normally wouldn't do. I wish I could act like my true self, but I don't know how to with people. I often feel like I'm constantly compromising my values just to fit in or avoid being disliked. For example, if someone tells an inappropriate joke I'll laugh even though it bothers me, because I don't want to seem stuck-up. I think part of it is I hate not being in control and I hate wasting time - if I'm going to have downtime, I'd rather know exactly when and do it alone doing something I enjoy, not spend energy trying to appease others in social settings. This really gets to me. I have basically zero friends because I keep my distance and I hate hanging out. I genuinely love being alone and don't feel depressed by it, but sometimes I get FOMO and wonder if I'm missing out. There are a few people I'm comfortable with, like my sister and my grandma. Even after talking with my mom I can feel a big wave of embarrassment and feel like I must come across a certain way. I also struggle to set boundaries because I'm afraid of seeming rude. For example, I'm Muslim, so if I need to pray I sometimes delay it because I don't want to interrupt something or draw attention, and I hate asking for simple things like water even when I'm dehydrated. Even if it weren't for my shyness, I'd still dislike many social interactions because they often revolve around gossip and negativity. Sometimes I wish for a close friend who shares my morals and beliefs to hang out with, because even though I enjoy being alone I feel lonely at times. Is it normal to be this introverted? Should I try to change, or is there a way to accept myself while still managing family obligations and gatherings? Every time I visit extended family I get that awful after-feeling that can last hours or a whole day, and I don't know how to make it stop.