Trying to Be a Mindful Muslim Can Feel So Heavy Sometimes

As-salamu alaykum everyone. The more effort I put into my deen, the more I get this feeling like so much of my past and even present might have been off track. And I'm being honest, I don't know how people deal with these thoughts without just shutting down or living in a state of constant worry. I was raised Muslim by my mom, who reverted, and my dad who came to Islam very young. However, most of my wider family is deeply Christian. Since I was young, the concept of Tawheed always clicked for me in a way other beliefs never did. My trust in Allah (swt) has always been solid, alhamdulillah. The tricky part is, I was around Islam more than I was taught its details. We'd go for Eid prayers and sometimes Jummah, and I'd see my dad read Quran. But I didn't grow up in a home where the rules and the framework of our faith were really broken down for me. Adding to that, I grew up in a mostly non-Muslim area. The few other Muslim families nearby kept to themselves-not in a bad way, but it meant I never felt fully part of that circle. A lot of what I saw from other Muslim youth was confusing too, like not observing proper boundaries, which made me feel even more disconnected even though I craved that community. So, my real sense of belonging came from other places: sports, playing instruments, and looking after our family dogs. Most of my friends were brothers from the community. They weren't anything but respectful and protective, especially since I faced some bullying growing up. These friendships were a safe space for me. Later, as a teenager, I got into a sport my dad showed me, which was mostly brothers, and those guys became like a second family. This was important because my relationship with my dad was really hard for many years due to some difficult family history. Alhamdulillah, we are in a better place now, but back then I leaned on coaches and teammates for positive brotherly support. Sports, music, and my pets became my comfort zones. Then, as I got older, I began taking my Islamic practice much more seriously. I renewed my commitment to Islam, started praying five times daily, wore hijab properly, stopped listening to and playing music, and observed stricter boundaries with non-mahram brothers. I even stopped playing my sport because of the physical contact involved. This is where my mind started to struggle. Because every time I corrected one aspect of my life, I learned something else might be problematic. I was happy to wear hijab, then heard about certain adornments being excessive. I adjusted my clothing, then learned some styles might not be suitable. I realized even my easygoing interactions with male cousins I grew up with needed more care. The student loans I took for college? Problematic. Certain job opportunities became questionable, so I left them. Starting a business? Funding often involves issues. Everyday food ingredients-like vanilla extract or nutmeg-needed checking. Even a simple delivery job felt risky because you might carry something impermissible. Over time, it started to feel like nearly every part of modern life here has some spiritual pitfall. I even started my own business partly to make praying on time easier, avoid uncomfortable work settings, and shape my life around my faith. But trying to make a living while steering clear of every doubtful thing is honestly draining sometimes. It's especially hard because I don't often meet other Muslims in person who seem to ponder these things so deeply. Most people I meet either seem totally relaxed about it all, or are so strict that talking to them just increases my anxiety and makes me feel alone. Lately, I've found myself pulling back more and more. Staying home. Avoiding social situations. Overthinking every little choice. Not because I desire this worldly life over my faith, but because I'm afraid of constantly making mistakes. This doesn't feel healthy. It also doesn't feel like the kind of peaceful life Ar-Rahman and Al-Wadud want for us. I know the rules of Islam are there for our protection and benefit, and I am not questioning Allah's wisdom. I think I'm just struggling with how to be sincere and mindful without falling into constant fear, extreme caution, and isolation. This feels especially tough for those of us who didn't have a strong Muslim community, a practicing family, or a structured Islamic education growing up. Has anyone else been through this? How do you find a balance between sincere practice and looking after your mental and emotional peace, especially living here in the West?