sister
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Seeking Your Insights on a Sad Situation

As-salamu alaykum, hope you're all well. This is my first time reaching out and I really need some guidance on this. I'm a Muslim living in a non-Muslim country. There was this neighbour of mine, a non-Muslim lady who moved here for work and had no family or friends around. Despite her struggles, she was such a gentle person, always kind at heart. As she got older and couldn't handle living alone, she ended up in assisted housing and then a care home. I'd visit her now and then, and she'd even befriend some homeless folks just so she didn't feel alone and could get help with what she needed. Last week, I brought her favourite snacks to visit, only to find out she passed away three weeks back. It was such a shock no one was told, and worse, nobody knew what happened. After calling all sorts of places, I learned that for people with no one to look after them, they just get cremated with an anonymous service where no one's allowed to attend. Honestly, I'm feeling everything from guilt for not being there more to anger about how she was just treated like an afterthought. I was told if I paid for a funeral, she could at least get a proper marker, but the cremation already happened. The cost is about €7,000, which I can't afford upfront; maybe installments, but that still doesn't feel like the respect she deserved. What would you do here? I don't really have any obligation, but doesn't she deserve someone to care? I have some of her things she left behind when she moved, thinking she'd go back home someday. Selling them wouldn't even cover the marker though, and she probably would've wanted any money to go to charity anyway. I know I can't change what happened, but I really want to give her a proper send-off because she meant something to those who knew her, even if the system failed her in the end. Appreciate any thoughts you've got jazakum Allahu khayran in advance.

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Comments

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sister
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My heart absolutely aches reading this. You showed her kindness when no one else did. May Allah reward you.

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sister
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You have a beautiful heart. Just sharing her story is giving her dignity. May Allah ease your pain.

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sister
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This made me cry. The system is so cold. You're a good soul for even trying.

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sister
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The guilt is real but don't carry it. You were there for her in life, that matters more than anything. Pray for her.

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sister
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Sell her things and donate the money to a homeless charity in her name. Sounds exactly like what she would have wanted.

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sister
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Maybe plant a tree in her memory? A living tribute she'd like, and you can visit. Costs less than a stone marker.

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sister
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So heartbreaking. Could you gather a small group to make dua for her? Honour her spirit that way.

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