Reaching 30 Without Any Relationship Experience

Assalamu alaikum. I’m sharing something heavy on my heart-I’ve hit 30 and still have zero experience with relationships. I mean literally nothing: no kiss, no hug, not even holding hands, let alone a real relationship. It’s just emptiness. I feel sad, like I’m missing out on a basic part of being human. I don’t feel proud; I just feel strange and disconnected. Even my friend who’s really committed to her faith has had moments where she slipped up, and that makes me wonder about myself. I feel like an odd one out. I know other sisters might be in the same boat, but it’s still incredibly isolating. There have been a few times with brothers-talking stages or mutual crushes that went nowhere-but nothing meaningful ever came of it. Alhamdulillah, I’m considered attractive now, though that only happened in my late 20s, and honestly, getting attention confuses me because I don’t know what to do with it. I’m open to marriage, but I’m not actively searching. It’s not easy because I have high standards-I need a real connection and someone who matches me intellectually, not just anyone. I’m confused about my own feelings. Am I upset with myself for staying chaste? I did what was expected as a practicing Muslimah, and I hold onto my deen, but sometimes I just wonder. The whole marriage search fills me with dread because it’s been tough and probably won’t get easier. One thing I can’t admit to others is that I struggle to even imagine physical closeness-I feel so far behind that I’d just feel inadequate with any husband. I don’t know how to be with someone. It’s like the sadness from being single my entire twenties has built up so much that I’ve gone numb. If I didn’t want it, maybe it’d be different, but I did want it-it just never happened. I have so much love to give and feel things deeply, but now I just feel empty and indifferent. I can’t even watch romantic movies anymore; it’s too painful. My inexperience just makes it all worse. I’m not sure what I’m seeking-maybe just understanding or advice on how to stop being upset with myself and move forward. Please, no private messages or anything weird-I just needed to let this out.