I Can't Handle This Pressure Anymore

Assalamualaikum. I'm completely exhausted. I was always the dutiful daughter, staying away from haram relationships even when my friends chose that path. People would praise my father for raising such good girls. But behind closed doors, he despised me and was unbearably toxic. He constantly cursed me, all because he wanted a son. Now, as an adult, I've distanced myself from him, hoping my mother would be my solace. But my parents have always been controlling. My sister, a brilliant student, was forced into a degree she detested and ended up failing. I can't recall a single major decision they let me make for myself. Their own marriage was a nightmare, and I'm already weighed down by so much trauma. Lately, they're pushing me into an arranged marriage with a man I'm not attracted to, just because he has a stable government job. I'm not asking for perfection, just someone I can connect with, but they refuse to hear me. My mother works tirelessly and has sacrificed so much for me, but her health is fragile, and she uses it to emotionally pressure me into agreeing. She cries constantly, and despite my own struggles-severe chronic insomnia and some weight gain due to inflammation-I've begged her for time to get healthier. She doesn't understand. Instead, her tears and emotional blackmail only make my insomnia worse. My relatives are no help either. They have no compassion, stirring conflicts between me and my mother by dismissing my insomnia and calling me selfish for ruining her health. My anxiety has escalated to the point where I wake up in fear at night to check if she's okay. I know she loves me deeply, but her grip on my life is suffocating. Yesterday, after a heated argument, she cursed me, saying I'd fail my upcoming exam-the one I've been working so hard for. When I said I wouldn't marry if I failed, she threatened to take her own life. Then she left for work, and I was overcome with severe anxiety attacks. My chest tightened, I was sweating, my body felt weak and dizzy-it kept coming in waves. I even found myself praying to Allah to take my life, because I feel like I've never truly tasted peace.