Feeling Lost and Seeking Allah's Mercy

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, Lately, I've been feeling really down and anxious for months now. Alhamdulillah, I have so many blessings-money, family, good friends-and Allah has given me so much, yet I still find myself sad and on the verge of tears almost all the time. I read that feeling unhappy despite having blessings might mean being ungrateful, but I've tried hard to find happiness and just can't seem to. I've been trying to get closer to Allah, leaving behind sins I've held onto for a long time. I've managed to keep up my prayers, avoid major sins, and practice patience. Still, the sadness won't leave me. I’m stuck in this cycle of self-hate, even hating myself for just existing. I've cried to Allah many times, feeling ashamed and guilty for my shortcomings, yet He keeps blessing me. Yesterday, I had a severe anxiety attack that lasted for about 30 minutes. I cried so much and called out to Allah with all my heart, but all I felt was silence-pure silence. I don’t know what I was hoping for, maybe some feeling of relief. I thought about praying or reading Quran, but I couldn’t even get up. Then, this overwhelming thought hit me-that Allah has abandoned me. I just sat there for an hour, staring blankly with no thoughts at all. Until now, I kept telling myself that Allah is still with me and this is just a phase. But now, because of this constant feeling that He has left me, it’s become physically hard to breathe. I can’t carry on with daily life and I no longer feel close to Allah. Everything feels so dull, like the light in my life is fading away. I just wish I could sleep and never wake up. The only thing stopping me from giving in completely is the fear of the Hellfire, nauzbillah. That’s the only thing holding me back. Sometimes, I even wish someone would take my life so that my sins could be forgiven through hardship, and I could die peacefully. I feel like I’m sinking into a deep depression with no escape and honestly, I don’t want to fix it-I just want peace. I can’t do much except sleep to escape everything. I don’t know who I can talk to about this because I don’t want to seem like I’m seeking attention or sympathy from my family or friends. I want to keep this to myself. It feels like there’s no way out, and sleep is the only relief. I’ve been missing prayers and everything else. The anxiety grows stronger by the second, and all I wish for is to die soon. I feel like a failure, like even Allah has abandoned me.