When Will Relief Come?

Every day feels heavy, like a constant struggle. I barely have the strength to get out of bed, to brush my teeth, to shower, or even to eat-I know that might sound bad, but please try to see where I'm coming from. Even tiny tasks drain all my energy, and I'm always tired, even when I've done nothing. What hurts more is that nobody gets it; everyone just thinks I'm a lazy kid. I never chose to be born, so why is Allah making me go through this? People say when Allah tests His servants with hardship, it's a sign of His love, but I don't feel that love at all-it just feels like He doesn't care about me or even dislikes me. I wish I could live like other young people, but I don't have any friends. I can't recall a moment when I was truly at peace. My life has always been painful. Every day, I think about ending it. I just want peace, even once. My existence feels like torment, and I feel guilty saying that because I know others have it much worse-I feel ungrateful. I don’t understand why Allah keeps me alive. He knows I have no energy to do anything. He knows my life is a trial, so why prolong it? I'm sorry to say this, but I really don't sense His love, even with all the blessings He's given me-a roof over my head, food, clothes, education, and more. Yet, I still feel empty of His love. Why has my life been so hard since childhood? I've never truly enjoyed living. Why did He create me? Maybe I'm a bad person without realizing it, and this is a punishment? I just want to know why I'm living like this. If He hates me, why not just let me die and face Jahannam? Why must I suffer here too? I just want peace, nothing else. At least once in my life. Maybe it's because I'm ungrateful.