Tomorrow I'm gonna turn 20, so please say a prayer for me.

Hey there, friends, tomorrow is my 20th birthday and I’m feeling all tangled up. Seems like just yesterday I was 16 and bam, now I’m 20. This number feels kinda heavy, like I can’t use being young as an excuse anymore. I’m feeling weird, honestly, I don’t want to turn 20. I’ve been through a lot in the past few years, and yeah, I know I complain a lot but it’s eating me up inside. My beloved cat (Mao) passed away, then I got two new cats that I brought home. Then I lost my job, had to drop out of school and start working. Some of my dad's money got scammed and the daily fights and stress just made everything weigh heavier. I’ve always had health issues, and now I’ve got asthma too - the inhaler costs extra. After a lot of hard work, I finally got an internship but that slipped through my fingers too. I don’t want to be 20, it all feels like a burden. I feel like crying, I don’t want to earn money, I just want to study. Why can’t it be that I can go back to studying? I don’t know why my family is like this, I always speak/walk cautiously, I’m just so tired, can’t even sleep. Sometimes I even think about ending it all - do you guys get it? And this smog and pollution isn’t helping either, it feels tough to live in this country. How are we just getting by like this? It’s been a few years since I celebrated my birthday, I just don’t feel like it now. Just sometimes say a prayer for me that Allah gives me strength and shows me a way. And for those of you struggling with your own issues, I get it - you’re not alone.