The quiet harm an abusive mother can leave on her child

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. I guess this is my try at writing one of these posts. Not sure if it’s a rant or just sharing, but maybe it helps someone. My mother is abusive and very self-centered, and that has caused me a lot of pain and struggle in this dunya. I’m only 17, and until recently I’d never had thoughts of hurting myself, but things have been getting worse over the years. What hurts maybe even more than the cruelty is the absence of the love my heart keeps asking for. A mother’s love is supposed to be the deepest kind, and I’m saying that even though I never really knew that love. When the “love” you get from someone who’s abusive is handed out, it leaves you with a wounded, poisoned, scarred heart. The best way I can put it is like a big hole in your chest. I’m not asking for advice or for people to tell me to confront her. If you can’t relate, be careful with replies-trust me, we’ve tried many things already. Telling someone who’s been hurt to just “be patient and forgive” without understanding is not helpful. I don’t know if any mothers will read this, but please, remind your children they are loved, and make sure your love is healthy and sincere. You hold so much power to heal or to harm. JazakAllah khair for reading. If I got something wrong, please correct me kindly. Sorry if this is awkwardly written-English is my main language but not my first.