Struggling with Numbness, Self-Harm, and Finding Hope in Faith

Assalamu alaikum, I’m reaching out because I’m in a dark place and need some Islamic guidance. I believe in Allah and Islam, but I feel emotionally disconnected from everything and everyone. I know I should love my family, but honestly, I see people as tools, even those close to me. World events like wars or diseases don’t touch my heart-I sometimes even wish for chaos, not out of malice but because I feel nothing. I’m not narcissistic; it’s just emptiness. I do catch glimpses of feelings when I’m absorbed in something I enjoy, like a favorite video, but it’s vague. Negative emotions hit harder, especially when my parents stress me out. That’s when I self-harm, which I know is haram, but I feel trapped in a cycle: I stop until my scars heal, then the urge returns and I give in again. My prayers are inconsistent too-I’ll start praying, then stop, and my parents’ nagging just pushes me further away. I hate life at times and have suicidal thoughts. When I’m really low, terrible images flood my mind, like harming my family or myself. I’m also unhappy with my weight; I overeat, then consider starvation, and it feeds my self-loathing. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t control it. What keeps me going is my love for art, fashion (I adore dressing in cute, yumi kawaii style), K-pop, and a few friends. But I’m stuck at home with social anxiety, unable to work or study, so I mostly just bedrot. My parents complain I do nothing, and yeah, I feel useless. Maybe it’s undiagnosed depression. I worry about my scars, especially on my arms and thighs. I dream of marriage, but I fear no Muslim man would accept a woman with visible scars. It’s not like I can erase them. My biggest anchor is my fear of death and hell-Islam is the only thing keeping me from ending it all. There’s even darker stuff I’m not ready to share. Please, what does Islam say about all this? Any advice would be a mercy. Jazakum Allahu khairan for reading.