My mother’s words cut so deep

Assalamu alaikum, I really need to get this off my chest. I used to be so devoted-praying all my salah, doing extra nafl, reading Qur’an regularly, and dressing modestly. I truly believed in Allah SWT, and I still do in my heart, but things have changed. Back when I was practicing strictly, I felt the lowest I’ve ever been. I couldn’t understand why, despite my strong faith, I was constantly sad, friendless, and struggling in life. But that’s not even the main issue right now. The real problem is my mother’s remarks, which push me to the brink of wanting to walk away from Islam and my family-to just disconnect and stop caring. Even in my most practicing days, she always pressured me to do more. She’d say I’d end up in hellfire over small shortcomings, and that I had no shame. Ironically, in front of others, she’d praise me as her good, praying daughter, but to my face, it was the opposite. Now, I still wear hijab, but my dressing has relaxed-just a top and jeans, and some hair showing. I’ve stopped praying because I think I went through a kind of spiritual burnout. The tiniest sins would send me spiraling, and the pressure from my mom-plus the pressure I put on myself-made me resent prayer and hijab. Every little mistake haunted me: being rude and fearing Allah won’t forgive, obsessing over whether my prayers were accepted, or feeling evil for random negative thoughts. My mom keeps telling me that I used to have noor on my face, but now I look terrible. Recently, I got really sick and was hospitalized, on medication, and constantly at the doctor. She said it’s my punishment for leaving prayer. One time, my sister told me I looked pretty, and my mom cut in, saying “no she doesn’t,” right in front of everyone. My heart just sank. I’m also not allowed to take off my hijab or wear less modest clothes even at an all-women’s party, while my sisters can. Sometimes I wish I had never been so religious so she wouldn’t hold me to a different, harsher standard than them. I’ve never felt confident, I’m very shy-maybe because of how I was raised. Because of all this, I have no friends and struggle with depression, severe anxiety, ADHD, and paranoia. Life feels so heavy, but when I stop caring about her words, I feel free-free from the constant worry about God, even though I know that’s not the right mindset. Since I stopped praying, I’ve been happier, and I know this relief might be temporary, but I haven’t smiled like this in a long time. I love my mom and my family, and I’d never leave them, but sometimes the thought creeps in because nothing I do ever feels enough. I’ve never been enough for them just by existing. Any advice or comfort would mean a lot. Jazakum Allahu khairan.