Struggling with my iman lately
As-salamu alaykum. Lately I feel like my faith in Islam is slipping away. I used to pray five times a day, but now I might pray once or sometimes miss the whole day. I used to wake for tahajjud and now I’m doubting everything. I grew up in a South Asian home and experienced emotional and physical abuse. Things got worse when my aunt and her family moved back to my country. As a child she would blame me for things I never did, call me ugly or dark, and treat me differently from my cousins and siblings because she has a daughter close to my age. I wore hijab as a kid and she’d get jealous, tell me to stop “showing off,” or purposely ignore my photos when family shared them. She’d give me burnt food and there are many more examples. My parents never intervened, saying it’s haram to break family ties. Instead they often sided with her, echoing that I’m ugly or stupid. For the past few months I’ve been very depressed, crying myself to sleep and forcing a smile in front of family. I had to cut back my coursework and I’m anxious going out alone - my heart races and I feel like I might faint. I’ve prayed to Allah to end the abuse and the harm my aunt and parents caused, but I don’t feel anything changing. I’m getting more depressed and feel hopeless. I find myself losing belief - why is my life getting worse? Please make dua for me.