Struggling with my connection to my mom after moving in with dad, and it's affecting my spiritual motivation
Assalamu alaikum everyone. So here's my situation in a nutshell. My parents split up when I was 17, and when I turned 19 and started college, I moved to a different state to live with my dad while commuting to classes. I'm still here now. During the pandemic I developed some ongoing health issues that I'm still dealing with. Because of this, I don't travel or drive long distances. I haven't been able to work much, but I do help my dad out whenever I can with whatever jobs I'm able to manage. Now here's where things get tough. My mom remarried a while back and has new children, and she often gets upset that she doesn't have help with them and that I don't visit often. The truth is, I don't visit much because I don't like where she lives, and I need to stay close to my healthcare providers. Plus with my health situation, I can't travel by plane or take long drives. Where I'm living now has more diversity, and alhamdulillah the masjid isn't far. Since I can't drive far, this is really helpful for me. I try my best not to be disrespectful when we talk, but sometimes I get frustrated. I don't use bad language-I just explain how I feel. Sometimes I just stay quiet because I feel like giving up. Recently when we were talking about me possibly moving back, she said something that really hurt: "You should save yourself the stress of going to masjid for Ramadan because if you don't respect your mother, you're just wasting your time. Even if you lived in the masjid but didn't care about your mother, it would be pointless." Now I'm left wondering... what do I do with that? I'm dealing with these random health problems, trying to work with no insurance, helping my dad when I can, and struggling financially. Sometimes I find myself questioning whether my prayers are even working or if they're just useless. PS: I do have a younger brother, but he moved out when he was young and doesn't really talk to any of us, so that's another thing...