When Ramadan Feels Heavy on the Heart

Bismillah. Assalamu alaikum, brothers and sisters. This Ramadan, my heart feels heavy. I've been feeling a kind of cold emptiness inside, and sometimes I struggle to find motivation for ibadah even though I’m keeping up with my prayers, doing some taraweeh (mostly eight rakah), reading the seerah again-which I truly love-and listening to Quran instead of music. But mentally, I’m just so drained. As a revert, this is my third Ramadan. The first two felt so peaceful, but now everything feels… meh. I keep overthinking-am I sincere or just going through the motions? Last year around this time, I was getting to know someone who later became my husband, then my ex-husband. That whole period was mentally exhausting, filled with anxiety, and my iddah ended just before Ramadan began. For a while, I felt like I was finally going to have a Muslim family-and I did, SubhanAllah. Now they’re gone again, and even though I still love his family dearly, they live in another country. My friends are busy with their own lives, and even though I’ve shared how I feel, it sometimes makes me feel like I’m burdening them. It leaves me feeling alone, especially missing those family moments. Memories from a year ago keep coming back, and I don’t know why it’s hitting so hard now, in a month that’s supposed to be about peace and hope. Mornings start off okay-I wake up early, have suhoor, pray Fajr, maybe get some exercise, and head out. But as the day goes on, these negative thoughts creep in. I feel guilty because I used to be so eager to make Ramadan entirely about Allah, but this year, it’s like I don’t have the energy to push myself further. I cry often and just try to get through the day. Astaghfirullah, sometimes I wonder if this is a sign that my iman is weak. I feel like I’ve built a wall around my heart. I’m more irritable, more negative than I used to be-and that itself stresses me out. I question my intentions over small things, and it turns into this internal struggle. Maybe Allah is using this time to heal my heart without that wall, to make me realize the love I still carry. But right now, the silence at home feels heavy, and I’m just wondering… is it okay if I’m doing the bare minimum this Ramadan? Is it a bad sign, or just where I am right now? JazakAllah khair for listening. May Allah make it easy for all of us.