Struggling with dark thoughts and feeling overwhelmed
As-salamu alaykum, everyone. I’m in a really rough spot and just need to vent. Lately, I’ve been having these scary thoughts about ending it all, which I know is haram, but the pain feels like too much. I’m scared for my akhirah and feel like I’m messing up both this life and the next. I’m in my 30s and honestly, I feel so behind in life-like I’ve failed. My mind is all over the place with anxiety, low self-esteem, and this constant worry about what’s coming. I’m trying to get closer to Allah, work on my studies, and just improve myself, but it’s like I’m drowning. The hardest part is realizing I can’t even do simple stuff alone; my wife had to help me write this message. That shame just eats me up, even though I’m still fighting.