Struggling to seem 'professional' at my first corporate job
Assalamu Alaikum - I’m a first-gen immigrant and didn’t grow up in a ‘polished’ professional environment. My parents never had those kinds of jobs (my mom was a SAHM), so a lot of this felt new to me. I’ve been to university and done a few part-time roles that were mostly okay, but when I started my first corporate position at a law firm I suddenly felt like I didn’t have the right kind of professionalism. I really tried. I was the only Muslim sister wearing a hijab and abaya on our office floor, and I can’t help but wonder if that affected how I was treated. The role was heavy on admin work, which I’m honestly not great at, but I needed experience. The lawyer I worked for was pretty toxic - I don’t know if it was just me she treated that way. I didn’t know the rest of the staff well enough to tell, although one other trainee definitely didn’t like her either. She kept comparing me, subtly, to her previous employee whose role I’d taken. I later found out that woman was Muslim too, but she didn’t dress visibly like I do (no hijab), and I can’t help but think that may have played a part in our different experiences. The lawyer praised how that past employee did everything exactly to her liking, and any small mistake from me felt blown up. Eventually I quit after she called a meeting where she basically yelled at me over a minor formatting error and a few misunderstandings. I also admit I forgot to send one email - my mistake and I said so - but the way she reacted made me feel like the worst employee in the world. I didn’t realise you couldn’t make mistakes. It really affected me; I have real trauma from that experience and sometimes I feel like I never want to go back to corporate life. Once, I even turned up in a big puffer coat because of heavy snow and got side eyes for it. I keep wondering if I’m cut out for that world. My peers seem to manage ‘professional’ behavior fine, but I’m left doubting myself. Any duas or advice would be appreciated.