Please keep me in your duas, sisters
As-salaam alaykum, sisters. I’m feeling really low right now. I won’t turn this into a long rant about my marriage, but last week my husband (we just marked our anniversary in October) told me he’s been considering a second marriage with a revert who wants to be a co-wife, and that she wants to speak to me. I am absolutely crushed. I’ve always had very low self-esteem and it’s been hard for me to love myself, and now the person I trusted so much dropped this on me knowing I wouldn’t be okay with it. He’s been saying he struggles with monogamy and gets bored, and that he can’t help it. Deep down I feel I deserve better, or at least that I want better for myself. But to be blunt, I also hate myself sometimes. I’m dealing with mental health issues and feel weak; even simple interactions are a battle. Since this happened I’ve had a hard time praying. Whenever I try to do my salah I end up crying. Astaghfirullah, I haven’t been able to pray properly since last week, and the few prayers I did aren’t what they should be because my heart and mind aren’t in them. I haven’t told anyone in real life because I don’t want to spread our private matters, but it’s tearing me apart. My heart is so broken that I keep asking Allah (SWT) to just end the pain, which I know sounds dramatic... but wallahi I loved him so much, like my own heart. Please make dua for me - that Allah grants me patience, wisdom, and dignity in handling this, and that this trial doesn’t crush my iman.