Please help, Assalamu alaikum
Assalamu alaikum. I'm 40 soon and I've been through so much pain in my life - alive but never really living. Wallahi, I'm struggling again after a traumatic event less than two weeks ago while already handling a lot. I've had to take time off work this week because of the shock and trauma, and I haven't been able to rest. I was suddenly forced to move into a place to get out of homelessness, and it's unstable. I'm expected to be back at work tomorrow with really bad hours. If I take more time off I might lose this insecure tenancy before a year, lose my job, fall into debt, and even lose internet - which I need to stay connected. It's a Catch-22 and everything is piling up. I'm in such deep pain that I've been begging Allah to take me. None of this feels fair. I don't know how I'll survive - I'm terrified I'll be fired, end up back on the streets, get coerced into drugs or worse. I don't know how I'll manage to get up and ready for work today or tomorrow. I woke up in pain and feel physically and mentally broken. I feel like I have nothing left and no strength. I've looked at ways to end it and they all seem invasive, risky, or uncertain. I'm exhausted and barely have the energy to write this. Those who caused my suffering, including the recent incident, know the harm they've done and don't seem to care while they go on with their lives. Wallahi this is unbearable. I can't see a practical way out - it feels impossible to survive this. I haven't explained everything clearly, but I've lost faith in people again for the hundredth time. Please, genuinely, prove me wrong. Any help, dua, or advice would mean a lot. Sorry if I reply late.