Navigating Wali Refusal and Family Struggles: Seeking Guidance

Assalamu alaikum. I'm sharing my story here because I'm really stuck and could use some advice from the community. I'm at an age where marriage is culturally expected, and for the past two years, my father, who's my wali, has been opposed to me marrying a brother I've gotten to know-without any Islamic reasons, just classic control issues, I think. I met this brother and told my mom about him after a couple of months once I felt sure he was serious for marriage, since my relationship with my parents wasn't great back then and I didn't want to risk being shut down easily due to my emotional sensitivity. That might have been a mistake. Their reaction was tough. I used to think they objected mainly because he's from a different ethnic background, but now I believe it's more about control. I've tried reasoning with them so many times, pouring my heart out, only to be humiliated and ignored, hoping they'd soften their hearts. Being away for studies didn't help move things forward either. The brother I want to marry is objectively good: he prays regularly, attends the mosque, is kind to others, financially stable, and his mother supports him. His family dynamics seem fine too. He even tried reaching out to my father respectfully, but my dad refused to engage or consider a mediator, saying it's his right to refuse anyone and that I shouldn't have gotten to know him in an un-Islamic way, even though my intention was always marriage. Things got worse last year when my parents pressured me into considering a much older man from our culture. They held me hostage emotionally, insulted my appearance, my mental health, called it a punishment from Allah, mocked my achievements, and threatened extreme things. I realized then that I needed to distance myself, so I left for a while, but religious guilt brought me back, hoping they'd understand. They didn't-instead, they monitored me closely, took my passport, and restricted my friends. In December, after a breakdown where my mom found out I was self-harming, she said hurtful things, but then suddenly changed tune, talking about wedding plans and my dad asking for details. Turned out, it was all a deception. My dad never intended to ask around; he just wanted info in case I tried to leave again, repeating he'd never agree and even threatening to disown me. He claims an imam advised against the marriage and that I'd be selfish for not following the conventional path, ruining the family. I'm lost, tired, and mentally drained. I feel isolated, with limited contact with friends. My dad isn't physically abusive, but he's explosive and sees my actions as challenges to his authority. I know his wilayah can be reconsidered, but I feel stuck, almost like I have Stockholm syndrome, blaming myself for everything. I'd appreciate any kind, external feedback on my situation. JazakAllah khair for listening.