Seeking Guidance on My Relationship with a Muslim Man and My Growing Interest in Islam
As-salamu alaykum. I'm a Latina sister who's been exploring Islam quietly, and I'm in a relationship with a Muslim man. I hope you can answer some questions I have, and any advice would help too. A few months before Ramadan, I bought a Quran. The reason is, since I met this Muslim man (we're currently seeing each other), he shares things about his religion. He doesn't push me to convert, and I don't plan to. He talks about praying five times a day-I've seen and heard his prayers even though I don't understand the Arabic. Every now and then he mentions Islam, and I always enjoy it and get more curious. When I got the Quran, I tried reading it every night before bed. I didn't tell him at first because it was personal. I was trying to figure out where my beliefs align. I didn't like not knowing where I belonged, always being unsure. But less than two weeks after buying it, I told him because I got upset over something he said. He told me I should start praying, to be thankful and grateful to Allah for what I have. He said it wasn't good not to believe, and that I should just start learning to pray, no matter how. Did I overreact? Maybe. I was upset because it felt like he thought I wasn't grateful. I didn't know how to pray-I never was taught. All I did was talk to myself and hope to God things would change. So I told him I was trying to learn about his religion, that I'd never been shown how to pray, and that I had no idea where I stood with faith. He apologized, saying he didn't mean it that way, that he wasn't calling me ungrateful. He was a bit happy that I was trying to understand Islam, but told me to stop if I was forcing myself. When I said I genuinely wanted to learn, he started asking questions-like what chapter I'm on, my thoughts on the Quran-and said he was proud. Right now, I'm less than 50 pages in. I live with my parents and several siblings-it's never quiet. When reading the Quran, I take my time because I want to really understand. But any noise distracts me; I have to reread sentences over and over until it's silent. I read the Quran in English since I don't know Arabic. I'm a Latina who only speaks English. I don't speak Spanish, though I understand a lot because my grandparents only spoke Spanish to me growing up-I'd reply in English, and they'd continue in Spanish. Others spoke both. I've always believed in God. My whole family is Christian, believing Jesus is God. Religion scares me because once, after my younger siblings asked if I believed Jesus is God and I said no, they called me stupid and said I'd go to hell. I shut down about religion after that. All I've really believed is that God is real, and God is God-nothing more, nothing less. Since Ramadan, I chose to stop eating pork. I accidentally ate it once or twice, but since then I've avoided it. My family doesn't know; I try to be subtle. When my father makes pork, I eat the sides slowly, avoiding what touched the pork, then put it in the microwave for someone else or give it to my dog. I fear they'd judge me, saying it's because of that man. My aunt has already said that a few times, which upsets me-why can't it just be that I don't like pork? It's always been my least favorite; the smell and taste bother me, so stopping wasn't hard. By the way, he's met my family, so they know he's Muslim, doesn't eat pork, and we shouldn't be dating. They assume any changes are because of him. This man has met most of my family, but I haven't met his. He's talked about me to his siblings, but not his parents. We don't know what would happen if his parents found out he's with a non-Muslim woman. He wants to get married after he finishes university in a year, while I have two to three years left. He's a good, great man-the only one I've been with. I know I'm the only one he's been with and treated this way, and we've been intimate without going all the way. We're both virgins, and he wants us to be each other's first as soon as possible. When he first touched me intimately, he felt very guilty and left, thinking it was wrong. He's tried not to dwell on it, but it still weighs on him. After weeks of thought, he decided he was ready to move forward with me, saying he wouldn't regret it or feel guilty, and that he plans for me to be his wife. He also asked if our children could be Muslim, and I agreed-I have no issue with that. So I'm asking: is there hope for us? Would his parents allow and accept our marriage? For Muslim men with non-Muslim wives: did your family accept it? If not, what did you do? Also, where exactly do I stand with religion? I have no clue. With Islam, I feel I wouldn't be considered Muslim if I don't wear hijab or pray multiple times a day. I don't wear revealing clothes-I usually wear leggings for comfort-but I hear tight clothes aren't modest since they show your shape. I do want to marry this man, and he seems serious. What if we become each other's first and he leaves? Could I be falling for sweet words? We've been together six or seven months. He has some issues at home and maybe a few small red flags, but nothing serious. When something bothers me and I tell him, he fixes it, and the same goes for me. These past few days, I've been trying to make dua. Every night before sleep, after a shower and a long day of work or studies, I get into bed (around midnight to 2 a.m.), close my eyes, hold my hands together for comfort, and whisper to myself. I pray in English, starting by thanking Allah for everything, saying I should be grateful. Then I say, "Allah, I pray that You protect..." and just pour my heart out. I usually cry, and sometimes I accidentally fall asleep for a minute or two with tears on my face, then wake up, continue, and drift off again. I try to end by thanking Allah and saying good night. I don't know if I'm making dua right-I don't recite from the Quran because I haven't memorized or read much yet. Any guidance would mean a lot. JazakAllah khair.