Thinking About Becoming Muslim – Some Questions on My Mind

Assalamu alaikum everyone! I’ve been going back and forth about this for a while, but I’ll try to get to the point. I’m 20 now, and when I was around 14 I started looking into Islam. I read some Quran and tried praying sometimes. Honestly, praying Fajr gave me a peace I’ve never felt since, and that feeling has stuck with me all these years. Long story short, my mom found out and told me to stop – she’s not religious herself, but she wasn’t happy about it. So I dropped it, but it’s always been in the back of my mind, like a weight I can’t shake off. Lately I’ve been feeling like I really need that peace again. I’m trying to read Quran to figure out my beliefs, but I still remember quite a bit about Islam. The thing is, I have some issues I can’t quite sort out, and I’m kind of nervous to talk to my Muslim friends or visit a mosque to speak with an imam. My head feels split in two – part of me believes in God, but another part fights it because of these doubts. 1. First up is evolution. I study biology and I’m convinced by the theory of evolution because of all the evidence from fossils, biochemistry, cells… I could go on. I’m not saying it’s 100% perfect – science always updates itself – but it’s where the signs point. After taking developmental biology classes, I started thinking maybe life could be God’s creation that then evolved. But then I think about Adam (peace be upon him) being the first human, while we have things like Neanderthals before us. It’s confusing. 2. I have same-sex attractions. I don’t get why Allah would make me this way if it’s so wrong, and I have to hide a huge part of myself. I just don’t see why it’s wrong outside of religious texts – we don’t choose who we love, right? I can’t control my brain’s chemicals any more than anyone else. Sometimes I think maybe it’s a test from Allah, but that’s just a thought I have. 3. What about all the good people in the world in the akhirah? If they’re not Muslim, or even believe in God, are they just doomed to hellfire? Since Allah knows past, present, and future, it’s hard to understand why some people seem to be lost from the start. I’m sharing this because I feel like Islam is calling me back, but I can’t fully commit until I work through these things. I’ve probably missed some points, but I never wrote them down until now so I can’t remember everything. Please correct any misunderstandings I have, and keep an open mind. And one last thing: why do you believe in Allah, and what keeps your belief strong, especially in Islam? It’s a personal question, so you don’t have to answer, but I’d really love to hear your thoughts. Jazakum Allahu khairan to anyone who read this long message. 😄 Edit: Thank you all who replied – I really appreciate it and it gives me a lot to reflect on.