My Life Feels So Heavy

This is a long vent, sorry. Sometimes I think Allah has put more on my shoulders than I can handle. My family situation is tough. My father has autism and masks it so well in public that nobody knows his real struggles, but he was abusive to my mom before we were born, and people remember because it was so open. My mom was young and got trapped into marrying him without really knowing him-he was much older. She’s spent her life angry and sad, and now she takes it out on me. If I’m tired after work, she gets offended and gives me the silent treatment for months-I’m not exaggerating. Or they’re fighting, and it turns physical, and I always have to step in to stop it from getting worse. Alhamdulillah, I was blessed with a good education and got a full-time job after graduating. But I come home to this chaos, and from one noisy place to another, I never get a moment to breathe. I even share a room, so I can’t even sleep alone. And I’m in my early 20s. I don’t have friends to talk to, and the one friend I have, if I go out with them, my mom starts a fight saying I’d rather be with them than her. I’m never enough. I’ve given up on my own life just to avoid the drama. If I stay home, she complains I’m here but not talking to her, but I don’t have much to say-she replies with short sentences. She has severe depression. Even when I’m being the perfect child, she’ll randomly give me the silent treatment, and when I ask why, she says it’s because one day I’ll abandon her and move on. No matter how much I reassure her, she doesn’t believe me. Once she even threw herself on the floor, crying and screaming like a child, calling me a liar who will leave. I really feel for my mom, I do, but there’s only so much I can do. And on top of that, I see myself as very unattractive. I have no hope of getting married and moving out. No chance. I feel stuck here forever. And even if I could leave, I’d live with the guilt of abandoning my parents. May Allah ease this pain.