Looking for Advice on Coping with Severe Health and Death Anxiety
As-salamu alaykum everyone, I’ve always been quite aware of my own mortality, even since I was a kid. While I have trust in Allah’s plan, the thought of death still frightens me deeply. It’s not so much what comes after, but how I will actually pass away that I can’t stop thinking about - especially how it will feel physically. Since I’m autistic, sensory things really affect me a lot. Along with that, I’ve developed serious anxiety about my health, made worse by ongoing health issues and some traumatic hospital experiences. One time, I had to have my gallbladder removed after being rushed to the hospital from unbearable pain - honestly the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I truly thought I was dying and had no clue what was going on. Feeling so scared and helpless made me really afraid of dying in a way I can’t control, if that makes sense. I’ve talked a bit to my therapist about this, but I’m moving soon and will need to find a new one, if possible. I wanted to ask if anyone else has gone through something similar and could share what helped them-whether it’s Quranic reflections, Islamic philosophy, self-help books, or different types of therapy. It doesn’t have to be religious, but that would be great too. This fear is affecting my daily life and my relationships. For example, when a colleague says they’re sick, I get so anxious I have to wash up, perform wudu, and wear a mask right away. Sometimes people get upset with me, but I’m not trying to be harsh-I’m just really scared. It feels like this is getting worse and I worry it might be turning into OCD because of all the medical trauma. JazakAllahu khair for any advice or support you can offer.