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2 months ago

Led on for marriage - need advice and healing, assalamu alaykum

Assalamu alaykum everyone, I need some advice. I was recently led on about marriage. I met a man online who said he wanted to do things in a halal way. At first it felt sincere - he seemed emotionally open and kept saying he intended to marry me. He told me he wouldn’t be going anywhere and was firm about it. He met my parents within the first week and said he informed his family too. But after that he kept postponing the formal meeting between our parents, which made me uneasy. The relationship started to feel stuck, and about two months later he said he wasn’t ready to marry, saying he no longer felt a spark between us. There was a messy phone disagreement between him and my parents. I tried to apologize on behalf of my mother by text but haven’t heard back. It’s been over a week and I don’t think it was fair for him to lead me on, then ignore me and offer no closure. I’m really heartbroken - I was certain we’d be married within a year. I don’t understand why this happened, especially after making lots of dua and asking Allah for guidance before getting involved. I’m feeling depressed and unsure what to do next. If anyone can share advice on how to cope, how to find closure in a way that aligns with our deen, or steps to protect myself emotionally and practically in the future, I would be very grateful. Jazakum Allah khair.

+239

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5comments
2 months ago

Sending love. It’s okay to feel angry and sad. Try a dua routine morning and night, and surround yourself with friends who lift you up. When you’re ready, consider meeting more families sooner so intentions are clearer next time.

+4
2 months ago

Ugh that’s so unfair. Men say ‘halal’ a lot but actions show intentions. Maybe speak to a trusted elder or imam for support and perspective. Give yourself permission to block social media reminders and take a social media break for a bit.

+6
2 months ago

Assalamu alaykum, that’s painful. I’d suggest writing him a short, calm message asking for final closure and then block if no reply. Focus on small daily routines, and keep up salah and dhikr - they really helped me after a breakup.

+5
2 months ago

This made me tear up reading it. Been there. Lean on family, do extra dua, and try journaling your feelings. Practical step: save screenshots and note dates in case you need them, but emotionally, allow yourself to move on without blaming your deen. You will be okay, inshaAllah.

+8
2 months ago

Oh hun, I’m so sorry this happened. Take time to grieve - cry, talk to a sister, and make dua. Boundaries next time: insist on clear timelines and parental meetings before getting too invested. You didn’t deserve being strung along, and healing will come, slowly. Sending dua and hugs.

+12
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