I'm barely holding on, and I don't know where to turn

Assalamu alaikum. Honestly, everything feels so messed up, like a dystopian nightmare. It's hard to believe in anything anymore-I've lost all faith, all motivation. My days are just awful, I can't even put it into words. Part of my family lives in extreme poverty, in houses made of cloth and crumbling bricks, their clothes so dirty they blend into their skin. Then another part lives in total luxury in Dubai or somewhere, taking supplements to change their gender. Saying you don't believe in God is such a privilege, but I do believe, even if I'm struggling. I thought if I just did things-like hobbies or whatever-I could have a "normal" life and faith would come naturally. But I keep falling into the same stupid sins that bring me nothing. I know we all sin, it's part of being human, but my parents make it worse. They have these extreme beliefs only when it comes to me. Since I was 7, they've been shaming me about my body, telling me it's sinful, and it only got worse as I grew up. My own father looks at me in this disgusting way-it's so humiliating, I feel exploited. I barely leave the house. I see my younger siblings going through the same ages I was when I was shamed, but they don't face the same treatment. It makes me wonder if it's just me they hate. I don't fit in anywhere, not even at school. Why does everyone else seem to live so normally? I try to ask Allah for help, but moments later I'm sinning again. I feel physically and mentally inferior to everyone. Nothing has helped; I'm just stuck. How do I get Allah to help me? Please, I have such different qualities from others, and when I try to improve, it genuinely doesn't help. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Can anyone share how they've found fulfillment in life-with God, hobbies, how they dress, anything-so I can try to copy it? Or just tell me what genuinely helps. I want to feel Allah's presence, not just force it through prayers. JazakAllah khair.