How to cope with a narcissistic father in a way that aligns with Islam
Assalamu alaykum. I can’t handle this anymore; I feel like my heart will break. My father treats my mother horribly. He hits her, insults her and her family for no reason, and our household runs entirely on my mother’s income while he contributes nothing. He pressured my mother and me to cut ties with her family, though we meet them secretly. He had my mother send him 10 crore PKR (around $356,000) to buy a house, promising we would both be owners. About 10 days ago, right before signing the papers, he picked a fight, beat her, and the next day he secretly signed the house solely in his name. Besides that house, there are three other properties bought from my mother’s money valued at roughly another 8 crore, all registered under his name. My mother is a very accomplished doctor with degrees from abroad, yet she is afraid to go out in case my father finds out and reacts. Today she had to attend an important gathering and when she left he started shouting at me and making a scene. He doesn’t only abuse my mother - recently he broke my bedroom door because he thought closing my door meant I was hiding something, and he came to slap me for no reason. I’m 23 and I’ve lived like this my whole life. I’m very religious and I pray in every salah that Allah softens my heart toward him, but after what happened today I feel like I’m at my limit. I’m an MBBS student with exams going on and my mental health is shattered. I hate him from the deepest part of my heart and want nothing to do with him, but I still try to be patient and not answer his abuses. Sometimes I collapse and call him out. My mother continues to quietly cook for him despite everything - she’s the most patient woman I know, may Allah reward her - but I cannot keep living like this. She stays because she fears social shame in our community, even though we are not financially dependent on him. Ironically, his siblings who insult my mother and turn him against her are living off her money. My mother is also an orphan, so she has no parental support. What should I do? I want practical, Islamically sound steps to protect my mother and myself, maintain my deen, and find a way out of this abuse without falling into sin.