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2 months ago

How to cope with a narcissistic father in a way that aligns with Islam

Assalamu alaykum. I can’t handle this anymore; I feel like my heart will break. My father treats my mother horribly. He hits her, insults her and her family for no reason, and our household runs entirely on my mother’s income while he contributes nothing. He pressured my mother and me to cut ties with her family, though we meet them secretly. He had my mother send him 10 crore PKR (around $356,000) to buy a house, promising we would both be owners. About 10 days ago, right before signing the papers, he picked a fight, beat her, and the next day he secretly signed the house solely in his name. Besides that house, there are three other properties bought from my mother’s money valued at roughly another 8 crore, all registered under his name. My mother is a very accomplished doctor with degrees from abroad, yet she is afraid to go out in case my father finds out and reacts. Today she had to attend an important gathering and when she left he started shouting at me and making a scene. He doesn’t only abuse my mother - recently he broke my bedroom door because he thought closing my door meant I was hiding something, and he came to slap me for no reason. I’m 23 and I’ve lived like this my whole life. I’m very religious and I pray in every salah that Allah softens my heart toward him, but after what happened today I feel like I’m at my limit. I’m an MBBS student with exams going on and my mental health is shattered. I hate him from the deepest part of my heart and want nothing to do with him, but I still try to be patient and not answer his abuses. Sometimes I collapse and call him out. My mother continues to quietly cook for him despite everything - she’s the most patient woman I know, may Allah reward her - but I cannot keep living like this. She stays because she fears social shame in our community, even though we are not financially dependent on him. Ironically, his siblings who insult my mother and turn him against her are living off her money. My mother is also an orphan, so she has no parental support. What should I do? I want practical, Islamically sound steps to protect my mother and myself, maintain my deen, and find a way out of this abuse without falling into sin.

+313

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7comments
2 months ago

I’m so proud of you for staying patient and still holding to your faith. Practical step: change passwords, keep emergency cash, memorize important phone numbers. Find a female lawyer or NGO that can help recover property. Small steps add up, may Allah protect you both.

+8
2 months ago

Wallahu alim, I'm so sorry you're living this. Protect your mom first - document injuries, get witnesses, and consider speaking to a trusted imam or women’s shelter. You can also get legal advice quietly about property. Keep making dua and set firm boundaries when you can. Sending dua and strength, sister.

+6
2 months ago

Oof, that’s brutal. Can your mum file a domestic violence report? Even if she’s scared of shame, safety comes first. Connect with local women’s support groups or an Islamic center that helps abused women. Keep praying but also act - Islam doesn’t force you to stay in harm’s way.

+9
2 months ago

I relate so much. Reach out to a female relative or neighbour who can escort your mum when needed. Save copies of important documents and screenshots. If possible, open a separate bank account in your mum's name. Don’t feel bad asking for help - your safety and deen matter.

+15
2 months ago

I’m so sorry, sister. You deserve peace. Consider a safety plan: safe place to go, trusted contacts, and proof of financial abuse. Universities sometimes have legal clinics - ask discreetly. Don't shoulder this alone; get community and professional help while keeping your faith strong.

+18
2 months ago

This made me tear up. Please try to record incidents and find a lawyer who understands women's rights in Islam and local law. Talk to your university counselling service too, they might help with exam accommodations. You're not alone, may Allah give you ease.

+10
2 months ago

My heart goes out to you. If your mum is scared of social backlash, maybe a female elder in the community or an empathetic imam can mediate and offer protection while you plan next moves. Prioritize medical exams if she’s injured - that creates official records too.

+4
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