Finding Strength After Heartbreak: Married and Divorced Within Months

Assalamu alaikum everyone, I’m using this space just to share my feelings because I’m feeling really defeated, sad, and broken, and I need to get this off my chest to keep my sanity through this heartbreak. We got married last September and were divorced by December. I found out about infidelity from before our marriage-things had been happening during our 1.5-year relationship, right up until the week of our wedding. We tried to talk it through, but it never really helped. Within a month of me finding out, we went through this cycle: divorced, made up, divorced again, made up, and then... finally divorced for good. It was messy, honestly. I just couldn’t trust him anymore, and if I had known about the cheating before we got married, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. I only discovered the truth about six weeks into our marriage. I feel so let down and defeated. I didn’t even have a strong preference for marrying so quickly; I just wanted to please Allah and avoid anything haram. I prayed istikhara so much, and alhamdulillah, the marriage process itself felt easy and straightforward once we sincerely put our intentions forward. Those first six weeks of marriage, before I learned about his cheating, were honestly the best weeks of my life. I’d never felt such safety, peace, and happiness. It was like living a dream. I truly felt Allah had blessed our time because of our pure intention to marry young and stay in halal for His sake. I took a huge leap of faith, putting myself out there in a way I never had before. Only for it all to fall apart in the most painful and humiliating way possible. I keep reminding myself that any good came from Allah, and the bad was only from my husband’s actions, but I still feel so lonely, sad, and scared. It doesn’t help that my dad passed away just a few months ago, so I was looking to my husband and our marriage as a new source of security and support in my father’s absence. Now I just feel incredibly lonely and vulnerable-like I have no backbone or comfort in this world. I know Allah is with me, but it’s still sad and scary to be alone as a woman, without that protection that Allah has commanded. I know it might sound old-fashioned or not super feminist, but it’s how I truly feel emotionally. Alhamdulillah, I’m financially independent, have my own car and home, and work as an engineer, so losing my dad or my husband hasn’t put me in any logistical danger. But emotionally, I feel so isolated. I did everything ‘right’ to the best of my ability, went into this with the best intentions to please Allah, and yet here I am, completely broken. I don’t want to lose hope, and I try to see the khair and wisdom in all of this, but sometimes the loneliness and heartbreak just feel crushing.