Feeling Misunderstood After Opening Up to My Potential Husband

As-salamu alaykum, everyone. I’ve been in talks with a brother for marriage-very halal and serious-and things have been respectful so far. But recently, we had a conversation that left me confused and a bit down. We were discussing how people change as they grow older, and I shared that when I was younger, like in my teenage years, I used to be quite argumentative and quick-tempered. I was always ready to defend myself or make a point. But with time and maturity, I’ve become calmer and more peaceful. I told him I don’t have the energy for arguments anymore and prefer to stay quiet or handle things calmly and wisely. I also opened up about something I’ve been working on-how with strangers or people I don’t know well yet, I tend to be shy and sometimes people-pleasing. I’m not proud of it. I often feel shame easily, overthink if I did something wrong, and try to understand why someone acted a certain way instead of reacting immediately. It’s not that I can’t speak up; it just takes me time to build trust and feel safe enough to express when something truly hurts me. I mentioned that I had some difficult experiences with sisters at university but learned from them. With my family, it’s different-they jokingly call me “lion” because I talk a lot, express myself openly, and have a strong presence, but always in a respectful and calm way. Around them, I feel safe and loved no matter what. When I told him this, he said it felt “odd” and that he’s straightforward, not understanding why I’d people-please or avoid confronting someone, or why I’d feel shame. I said I’m still figuring it out and improving. Then he asked what would happen if we were married and just moved in together and I had an issue with something he did. Keep in mind, we haven’t met or called yet, so I answered from that perspective. I might not have explained it perfectly-I thought he meant early on when everything’s new and we’re still adjusting. So I said that maybe at first, if I was shy or unsure how to say it, I might send a WhatsApp message or even write a short note like, “Hey, I felt hurt by this, can we talk?” Just to open up calmly. I didn’t mean I’d do that forever or write letters daily! 😊 Just that early on, if I’m still learning to open up, writing might help me express myself better so he can approach me and we can talk. Once we know each other better, I’d open up more directly, and I’ve already told him things I didn’t like. He took it literally and said he needs to think because he’s afraid of hurting me and doesn’t want to “change me.” He said people told him never to expect someone to change after marriage and that our communication styles might not match. He believes important issues should be spoken about directly and thinks avoiding that might affect me more than him. I agree that direct communication is important and would want that too, but I just wish I felt safe enough to do so. I think many women feel scared to come across as “too much,” and I don’t want that either. Now, I feel awful and misunderstood. I was being vulnerable and honest, and instead of appreciating that, it felt like he made me seem like some weirdo who writes letters to strangers. I wasn’t saying I can’t communicate-just that when I don’t know someone well, I need time to warm up and feel emotionally safe before I can be fully open. I also said that with people I trust, like family and close friends, it’s completely different-and that would include my husband too, because over time he becomes my safe person. I believe it’s right to share your feelings with someone you trust, and who better than your spouse? I hoped he’d understand or even appreciate that I recognize this about myself and am working on it, maybe even say we can work on it together. Instead, he said “our communication styles don’t align” and wants time to think. It made me feel small and like maybe I said something wrong. I felt he wasn’t fully listening to my explanation. I’m not desperate or anything, but I hate feeling misunderstood, so I needed to explain myself. I’m shy and nervous around him too, so when we text, I get excited and sometimes don’t express myself well. But still, I don’t think being calm, reflective, or preferring peace is a bad thing? I don’t want to be someone who fights or overreacts; I want to understand others. I like to process things first and then talk calmly. To me, that’s maturity, not weakness. So now I’m unsure-did I explain myself badly? Did he misunderstand? Or does this mean we’re not compatible in how we handle emotions? Would you find it strange if someone said they might write a message or note first instead of immediately confronting you face-to-face? Of course, with time and comfort, I’d talk face-to-face. I also thought maybe being opposites could help us complement each other. I just wanted to be honest and real, and now I feel like I got judged for being self-aware. JazakAllahu khair for reading and any advice or thoughts would be really appreciated.