Feeling Behind at 23 - Does Anyone Else?
As-salamu alaykum. I just turned 23 and for the first time since my birthday I’ve been feeling really behind compared to others, especially those younger than me. It’s like a new weight I didn’t have before. I can’t drive, I failed my previous year of teacher training and I’m repeating it, I’ve never been abroad, and 23 was the first adult birthday I actually went out to celebrate. Maybe that outing brought joy but now I’m left feeling low. My ADHD assessment is in December and honestly it feels like the biggest thing happening in my life right now. Today at work a chat with younger colleagues really triggered me. One is doing a master’s, another lives alone and moved from another country. I look at people my age or younger who’ve been in relationships or are saving, driving, travelling, living independently, and I feel stuck. Even socially I feel behind - they talk to new people so easily, they don’t constantly apologize, they seem confident. For me, greeting someone or making small talk takes a lot of mental preparation. I feel like I’m still a little girl next to women who already look grown. The last five years for me have been mostly the four walls of my room, being online a lot, depression, studying and working on loop. I was genuinely happy about going to the arcade and eating out for my birthday and coming home to a peaceful evening, and I cried a little on the way home because I was proud of how far I’d come. But when I open my eyes to others, I keep feeling years behind. People say “don’t compare” or “comparison is the thief of joy,” and I know it’s true, but that advice hasn’t helped much. The facts of other people’s lives feel real to me, and truth matters more than temporary comfort. I’m trying to accept where I am, make dua, and take small steps forward, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m lagging behind. Has anyone else felt this at 23? Any simple tips for building confidence, practical steps to gain more life experience, or duas that helped you cope would mean a lot.