Exhausted Revert: Struggling to Hold On and Needing to Start Over

As-salamu alaykum. I really need to get this off my chest. I became Muslim two years ago after leaving Christianity. It happened fast-I was in a dark place, felt this intense spiritual pull, and just jumped in with barely any knowledge. I hid my practice for a while, wearing hijab secretly on my way to places, until I finally moved out and told my family. Ever since converting, life has felt heavy. It’s not that Islam is hard, but my experience has been so isolating. The friend who took my shahada passed away suddenly. Then my first Ramadan came, and I was so excited, but I spent every iftar alone, rushing to cook after work with no one to share it with. Eid was the same silence. People keep telling me to get married, but the idea just turns me off now-I’ve tried looking, and honestly, I’m fed up with the way Muslim men have handled things. I get rejected over and over because I’m a revert, my culture is different, or my family isn’t Muslim. It’s so frustrating. I lost almost all my friends after converting, not because I pushed them away, but their families told them to distance themselves from me now that I’m Muslim. People I thought would be in my life forever barely talk to me now. I once dreamed of being a tattoo artist or bartender, but I can’t pursue either since they’re haram. It feels like my purpose vanished. My family isn’t supportive, and the Muslim community where I am is toxic-they praise you for reverting, but when it comes to real friendship or marriage, you’re never good enough. I’ve made so much dua, begging for ease, but it doesn’t feel easier. I’ve seen so much misogyny too. The pressure with hijab is unreal-you’re never wearing it right, or you’re too loud, or your clothes aren’t loose enough. Meanwhile, men rarely get called out for lowering their gaze. It’s exhausting. I know I rushed into everything. After two years, I’ve learned a lot about Islam and kept studying, but religion shouldn’t make me this miserable. I shouldn’t feel like I can’t go on. I know this life is a test, but I keep asking why it’s so hard. I want to enjoy life again, find a career I love, and be with someone who respects my ambitions and doesn’t just see me as a wife and mother-I want a partner, not a caretaker role. At my core, I still believe in one God and that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the final messenger. But I think I need to step back and start over slowly. I’m so angry about how I’ve been treated since converting, and it’s making me resent the deen, which breaks my heart. I’m lost, and while Islam grounds me, it’s also hurting my mental health. I don’t know what to do.