Feeling far from Allah and drained. How can I revive my faith?

I really need support, advice, and practical steps!!! Especially something to guide my heart… Telling me to “just read Quran daily”, “pray every day”, “just do dhikr”, or “make dua” doesn’t click for me. It feels totally impossible right now. My iman is up and down, constantly shifting, and building discipline feels like a mountain I can’t climb. I’m struggling hard with all of this. I feel so ungrateful about my upbringing. My parents split, and when I was at my dad’s, I felt this massive jealousy, plus my dad seemed disappointed in me. I feel ungrateful especially to Allah-I don’t wish harm for anyone, but I feel like I lost my love for Allah, and I used to love Him so much. I honestly don’t understand what’s happened to me… I don’t feel empathy, I don’t feel fear, I’m not scared of death or sins anymore. I just don’t care, even though I still have thoughts reminding me I could end up in hell if I do this or that. My heart is so hardened. I need your help, brothers and sisters. I can’t even be sincere right now, but I know I must return to my deen. I still remember how I struggled with my desires and controlled myself mainly out of fear for my akhirah, thinking I could die today or tomorrow. And what eats at me is seeing them study Islam, Arabic, Quran-everything I’ve ever dreamed of-but I never asked my dad because I feared causing him financial strain. I feel ungrateful to Allah for not being Islamically educated, especially as a kid, and this whole situation brews jealousy in me. I know it’s shameful, but these are my bottled-up feelings I can’t share with anyone, and not everyone would get it. I feel like a total hypocrite… because I want to stand out in faith. About me if you want to know: I’m a born Muslim, but from a non-practicing family in a secular Asian country. No one taught me how to pray, read Quran, make proper dua, or the basics… At least my dad taught me “La ilaha illa Allah” and said to say it when scared, and my mom told me I could ask Allah for anything and that He answers children’s prayers. Just yesterday, I accidentally heard my dad mention he used to tell me hadiths and Islamic stories when I was little, and I loved listening-but now I can’t recall any of them. When I was 8, my parents divorced. We faced lots of money and family problems. Around 10–11, I’d cry at night, feeling terribly ungrateful to Allah, asking why this was happening to us, why we lacked this or that, and why we had to struggle… Until 13, I had a strong belief in Allah. I got Islamic tidbits from social media, but whenever I couldn’t grasp things fully, some content would upset me or I’d disagree. And subhanAllah, I ended up losing faith… over nonsense. I wanted to believe things that go against Islamic teachings weren’t actually haram. I had tons of questions, but years later I found answers, Alhamdulillah. Even when I identified as a non-believer, I still wanted to think Allah exists. Even if I forced myself to disbelieve, something inside kept saying I was wrong, and my overthinking never left me alone. When I hit 14, I decided to come back to Islam because I was battling anxiety and sadness. I felt it was the right move, hoping my life would change-and surprisingly, I got a surge of iman. I wanted to study at an Islamic school, but I wasn’t sure if it was possible. I thought I’d wear hijab after graduating. I begged my mom to get me a hijab, but she refused, saying I’d look old, no husband would want me, and that if she were my age she’d wear revealing clothes… Two years later, she found a black hijab and a Quran in my closet and started warning me, “Be careful, don’t go off to some war zone to be a fighter’s wife,” and such talk. At 16, I learned Surah Al-Fatiha over the summer. Around October, I think I got hit by evil eye, maybe. One day after classes, I went to the restroom to check the mirror, and there was a sister in hijab on crutches. I didn’t mean to think anything bad, but stray thoughts popped in, and then I thought of Allah and forced myself to think better. Going down the stairs to the second floor, my mind went totally blank. Then I kept going, slipped, and luckily caught myself with one hand. I don’t know what could’ve happened, but I ended up with a dislocated ankle tendon. I tried to rest for two weeks, but my semester started, so I didn’t have enough time and pushed myself to walk, though it was very hard and painful. I began learning wudu, how to pray, and how to make dua. A few days after making dua, my ankle pain almost vanished unless I walked a lot or tried to run. It was enough for me to commute to college and back, Alhamdulillah! Still, I would only pray about once a month or two. Someone very dear to me fell ill, and the only remedy was ruqyah. During that, I learned Ayat al-Kursi and two other surahs. And Alhamdulillah, that person recovered, even if it took a year. I’m almost 18 now, and I’m not sure what else to say. Just seeking any real guidance to reconnect.