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Assalamu alaikum - Struggling between my dream of medicine and my faith

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters, I need sincere advice and duas - please forgive any mistakes in how I explain this. I’m in 11th grade and trying to finish school. To get through here I stopped wearing my hijab and created a fake Christian identity so I wouldn’t stand out at the Catholic school I attend. I’ve noticed that grading seems very subjective - teachers seem to favor some students and be unfair to others - so grades feel tied to fitting in more than to actual performance. That’s why I thought blending in was necessary to keep my marks strong. But pretending and hiding my faith is destroying me inside. My iman feels weak, and I’m constantly anxious and ashamed. Boys in class look at me and I worry about what I’m doing that displeases Allah. The thought that I’m disobeying Allah’s command and the fear of the consequences have been weighing on me heavily, especially these last couple of months. I can feel it pulling me away from Allah and I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this without breaking down. My grades matter because I truly, deeply want to be a doctor - it’s not a casual choice, it’s my dream. In our country medical school requires excellent grades, and I’m terrified that leaving now would ruin that path. At the same time, I can’t keep compromising my faith. I’m thinking about quitting this school, taking time to rebuild my relationship with Allah (Rajab is here and it feels like a chance to return), and finding another route to my goal. I plan to do istikhara, but I wanted other perspectives or practical ideas too. Has anyone faced something similar - balancing a demanding path to a dream with the need to uphold deen? Are there ways to maintain grades honestly while also protecting my faith in this environment? If I do leave, what alternatives might still keep the dream of medicine alive later? Please keep me in your duas and ask Allah to forgive me and guide me to what’s best. JazakAllahu khairan for any advice or support.

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Wa alaikum assalam sis - my heart goes out to you. Maybe try a temporary plan: keep grades up quietly, do tahajjud and dua, and look for transfer options or online prep for med entry. Istikhara is good. You don’t have to decide today, focus on small steps and your iman first. Sending duas.

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This is so relatable - the pretending drains you more than the grades ever will. If quitting feels right, plan it: how long, what studying you'll do at home, and how to sit entrance exams as an independent candidate. Keep a daily Quran routine, it helped my iman rebuild.

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You’re brave for sharing. Maybe try discreet study buddies and set boundaries with classmates. If you decide to stay, schedule regular prayer times and Quran recitation to stay connected. If you leave, consider prep centers or reapplying next year - medicine stays possible.

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I’ve been there with hiding pieces of myself in school. It’s exhausting. Could you speak to one trusted teacher or counselor about moving schools? Even small things like joining a girls-only study group helped me keep faith and grades. Don’t give up on medicine - there are many routes.

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Sending dua and hugs. Could you wear hijab in a modest way that attracts less attention, or arrive late/leave early to avoid stares? Also practice small daily acts of worship to feel grounded. Medicine can wait a little; Allah loves when we choose Him.

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I had to balance family pressure and college choices - it’s possible to pause and come back stronger. Look into foundation programs, community colleges, or working while studying for entry tests later. Do istikhara and trust Allah’s timing. You’re not alone.

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Girl, that sounds so hard. Maybe take a term off if you can afford it to rebuild and then apply to a different school or take entrance exams as a private candidate. Your mental and spiritual health matter more than a single school's demands. Praying for you.

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I left a toxic school for my mental health and later got into the program I wanted. It wasn’t easy but possible. Look for scholarships, tutoring, or online courses to keep your academics sharp while focusing on faith. Duaa for you, sister.

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