Assalamu Alaikum - I’m overwhelmed and need dua and advice

Assalamu Alaikum, I hope you’re all well. I just need to get this out and be honest because I’m barely holding on. I grew up in a comfortable home but with an emotionally distant father and a mother who was very unstable and violent. She seemed to hate me more than her other children, told me she wished I were dead, and there were times in childhood when she almost killed me. By 15 I tried to take my life and again at 16 by overdosing. When she found out she laughed and my father cursed me. It’s a miracle I’m still here after the beatings, name-calling, public shaming, and the way everyone would change their face when guests came. Despite all that, I managed to study, work, and build a life for myself even though I was treated like a child, not allowed friends, and had my first earnings and scholarships taken from me while my parents still bought things and went on trips. The constant bullying from my mother, my father venting his anger on me, and my younger siblings calling me dumb and selfish no matter what I did, eventually broke me and I left home. I hoped marriage would be a way out, but it never happened despite family searching for a suitable husband. I trusted that Allah would help me, but I faced a lot of humiliation trying to leave and stayed with a mahram for a while. A few months ago I was asked to leave that place too and ended up in shared accommodation - I can’t fully explain the shame and pain. I’m surviving on a small side income, without many understanding friends, a spouse, or family who check in or share meals with me. A relative who was helping turned out to be an atheist and has become very cold and cruel now that I’m in need. I’ve tried seeking help: faith-based counselling, a psychiatrist, talking to a former teacher who’s strong in deen, going on walks - but no matter how hard I try, or how much I’ve tolerated, or how I stand up for my dignity, I can’t seem to be happy or feel normal. I wake up crying or furious from childhood memories I wish I could erase. I gasp and pray, asking Allah why He’s putting me through this. Things get a little better sometimes, then worse again. I have a strong urge to end it all. There’s more to my story, and I’ve only found one full-time job option but the founder harasses women and sometimes doesn’t pay staff. Any advice or dua would mean so much. I hope someone out there can relate and help me find a way forward before hopelessness and my past consume me. Please keep me in your prayers.