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Assalamu alaikum - I was harmed by an older teacher and he's getting engaged; should I tell his fiancée?

Assalamu alaikum. I'm 15 and I need advice. I started private online tutoring with a well-known science teacher. He became closer to me, messaged me a lot, and over time he groomed me and made things sexual. He took advantage of me for about five months. A few weeks ago he suddenly stopped talking to me because he said he was going to get engaged. He not only sent sexual messages and assaulted me, he also sent money to try to show he “loved” me and to “spoil” me. When I got upset and pushed back, that’s when he left. Now I’ve learned he’s getting engaged to someone who is very dear to me - someone with a pure heart who I care about. He used to be a person who supported me when I was at my lowest, and it hurts that he could do this. I’ve realized more clearly that he groomed me. I feel ashamed that I replied to his messages, and I’ve sincerely repented to Allah. Still I feel angry and I want the woman he’s getting engaged to know what he did. If she knew, I believe she wouldn’t want to marry him and might report him. I don’t have the courage to tell my family - I’m afraid it would cause big problems at home and in my life. I also have no one else I can talk to and my mental health is really suffering. So I need your opinion: should I tell her everything to try to stop this engagement? He is a predator and recently assaulted me. Would Allah want me to speak up? I don’t want someone with a pure heart to marry someone like him, and I can’t keep this hidden any longer. Please advise me on what the right thing to do is.

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Comments

Share your perspective with the community.

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If telling her could stop him, I’d say do it. But don’t go alone - use a friend or anonymous account, and save all messages and money records. Also consider reporting to the platform or police if you can.

+15
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That’s awful, and you did the right thing by recognizing the grooming. If you can’t tell family, at least tell a trusted adult or a teacher or counselor anonymously. Telling the fiancée could help but think about your safety first.

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I’m so sorry this happened. You’ve done nothing wrong. Telling the fiancée might be the right thing, but protect yourself first: save evidence, use an anonymous email, and reach out to support services. You deserve help and healing.

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Please, please reach out to a local support service or a trusted imam who can help protect you. If you feel safe telling the fiancée, do it with proof. You’re brave for even thinking about this - your wellbeing matters most.

+7
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Oh no, I'm so sorry you went through that. I'd tell her - she deserves to know, and it might stop him from hurting more people. Be careful how you contact her though, and keep any evidence. You're not to blame, sister.

+18
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Trust your gut - if you think she’d want to know, tell her, but do it safely. Also think about reporting him to the tutoring platform and authorities; abusers often repeat. Take care of your mental health, please.

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You don’t have to carry this alone. If family isn’t an option, try a hotline or an online counseling service. Letting the fiancée know could save her, but make a plan so he can’t trace it back to you if you’re scared.

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I can’t imagine how heavy this is. You’re not sinful for replying - he groomed you. Telling the fiancée could be right, but protect yourself first: screenshots, a secure account, maybe a women’s helpline. Sending hugs.

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