As-salamu alaykum - I messed up and need advice on getting back on track
As-salamu alaykum. 2024 was a really hard year for me - academically, financially, and emotionally. I reached a point where things got so overwhelming I ended up in a psychiatric ward after an attempt on my life, and I had to take a year away from university to try to heal. I’ve been dealing with serious mental health struggles and unhealthy attachments, and I’m still in therapy working through them with Allah’s help. On the school and money side, I lost a government bursary because my family’s income was just over the cutoff. My mental health was so bad I couldn’t focus, I missed assignments, and my grades suffered. I was having constant suicidal thoughts and later got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. Now I’m trying to transfer to another institution and have to go through a readmission process. Recently I got rejected by the university I’d hoped for, and my family reacted with a lot of anger and disappointment. They brought up other things, like me failing my driving test twice (which they paid for), and they’re still upset that I misplaced my mother’s phone the other day - even though she bought a new one and now keeps her distance. When I tried to show how upset I was and cried, they said I was being dramatic and told me, because I’m 21, I need to be strong and handle things. I’ve owned my mistakes and apologized. The phone was lost when I wasn’t fully aware of my surroundings - I got out to buy groceries and was distracted. I’m trying to improve every day, and I know I’ll make more mistakes. I will keep taking responsibility, but they keep bringing up and shaming me for past errors. They’re entitled to feel upset, but constantly shaming me won’t help anyone or help me move forward. I’m asking for advice: how can I rebuild my life, strengthen my faith and mental health, and also help my family understand what I’m going through without feeling dismissed or shamed? Any practical steps, dua, or reminders from the deen that helped you or someone you know would mean a lot. JazakAllah khair.