As-salamu alaykum - I feel completely overwhelmed
As-salamu alaykum. I am so miserable and I don't know where to turn.\n\nI've faced more hardships than I can even explain. My marriage is falling apart. From the start my husband has been emotionally and verbally abusive, and I put up with it because there was no one to stand up for me.\n\nMy parents are elderly and disabled, and I have no siblings or other family. I'm isolated and responsible for caring for them alone.\n\nThe boy I loved in high school is getting married to the girl who used to bully me, and their wedding is coming soon. It hurts to watch. I have been in my marriage for years and never found happiness.\n\nI never had a proper wedding celebration or honeymoon or any of those things. I accepted everything because I wanted to please my parents - they arranged the marriage for me. I gave up so much: the college experience, friendships, money, and more, all to make the marriage work and keep my parents content.\n\nNow my parents depend on me, my relationship with my husband is terrible, and I literally have no other family. My life feels like one test after another. I keep asking: what is the purpose of my life? Why didn't I deserve happiness or at least some peace? Why did I have to give up everything for others and get nothing back? Why was I bullied as a child and no one protected me? Why didn't my parents let me leave the marriage when I first wanted to?\n\nWhy, after all this, am I still not finding happiness? Why is Allah testing me so much?\n\nI feel like I can't take it anymore. The pain is too heavy and I keep imagining all the "what ifs" - what if I had never been forced to marry so young, what if I could have been happy.\n\nPlease make dua for me. I know Allah is all-knowing and merciful, but right now I need support and guidance on what to do next.