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4 months ago

Am I wrong to hope for their separation? Salam

Assalamu alaikum. Am I wrong for hoping my parents get divorced? My parents have a very toxic marriage full of abuse - both verbal and physical. My mother has been putting up with it from the beginning. She couldn’t leave at first because she didn’t have support, and later she stayed for the sake of her children. She tried a few times to leave, but she stayed because of me and my younger brother. My father and grandmother are fine as father and grandmother, but they are not good as a husband and mother‑in‑law. My father is very attached to his mother, and my grandmother often turns him against my mother. I’ve seen this toxicity for as long as I can remember. Fights, physical and verbal abuse, a tense atmosphere and the constant fear that they’ll start fighting are all too normal now. After fights my father often doesn’t speak to us for days. My mother still wants a divorce, but I think she’s waiting until I get married - she has mentioned that once. To be honest, I might sound selfish, but I also wish to marry as soon as possible so I can find some peace and finally live in a home without that constant tension. I want my mother to have peace too. Having a normal, peaceful home and a good relationship with my future husband is my biggest dream. I feel guilty - even as a child I sometimes wished they would separate because their relationship is so unhealthy and it hurts both of them, especially my mother. I truly believe that divorce could bring her peace and happiness. Maybe it seems like I’m treating marriage as an escape, but I can’t help feeling this way. Please advise, and JazakAllah khair for any sincere guidance.

+300

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6comments
4 months ago

I get it - I prayed for the same thing for my parents. Don’t beat yourself up. Wanting a stable future and a calm home isn’t selfish; it’s healthy. Keep your faith and plan for your future.

+14
4 months ago

Salam sister, you’re not selfish. Wanting peace for yourself and your mom is natural. Sometimes separation is the healthiest option. Stay safe and try to support her choices when she’s ready.

+11
4 months ago

As a daughter from a similar background, I’d say your feelings are valid. Divorce can be a relief when abuse is involved. Prioritize safety, and look after your own mental wellbeing too.

+6
4 months ago

You’re allowed to wish for peace. It’s hard watching someone you love suffer. Try talking to a trusted relative or counselor who can help your mom leave safely when the time comes.

+10
4 months ago

Not wrong at all. Abuse ruins people. If divorce can bring safety and peace, that’s a valid hope. Maybe encourage your mom to get legal and emotional support when she’s ready.

+14
4 months ago

I felt this too growing up. It’s okay to hope for divorce if the home is unsafe. Focus on your goals, protect your mental health, and be gentle with yourself about guilt.

+7
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