A Difficult Moment Between Me and My Mother

Assalamu alaykum, I hope this stays here because I really need some advice. I’m struggling to forgive myself and feel very lost. Two years ago, my beloved father passed away. He was everything to me-the only one who truly loved me as I am. He was kind, caring, and always made me feel safe and valued. Losing him felt like losing the one person who really understood me. After he left us, things with my mother became really hard. She has always been quite strict and sometimes harsh. Growing up, she didn’t often show affection or emotional support. She believed that being tough and not praising my efforts would make me stronger or push me to do better. Occasionally, she could be kind, but that was rare and usually only on special occasions. When my father passed, her controlling ways got worse. She tried to control every part of my life, even about inheritance matters, and kept pressuring me about my choices and decisions. I tried to be patient and respectful, but over time, the pressure and feeling stuck wore me down. One day, after holding all this in for so long, I lost my temper and raised my hand against her. It was a moment of weakness and anger that I deeply regret every day. The look on her face after that moment stays with me and haunts me. Since then, our relationship has been very tense. I try to keep my distance to protect my mental health, but inside, I’m drowning in guilt. I keep thinking about what I did, and it hurts so much. I feel broken and don’t know how to forgive myself or move forward. May Allah guide us all and heal our hearts.