What Helped Me Finally Accept Hardships and Find Peace Within Them

I'm not a scholar, just sharing what I went through. When I was younger, life hit so hard I wanted to give up many times, and at 14 I even thought it would be easier to pretend I didn't believe in Allah than to feel like He was upset with me. I hated it when people said "it's because Allah loves you" because honestly, some struggles didn't feel loving at all, and I just couldn't make sense of it. I'm only talking about my own experience here-I don't want to trigger anyone. I felt like I was barely scraping by in every part of life. Then things got so much worse until I was completely alone and knew no one could fix it. That's when I turned to Allah. I used to speak to Him like: I really don't understand, I'm trying to accept this because I have no other choice but I can't. I would just pour out my heart, like talking to someone older and wiser, like if you had a father you knew could always set things right or at least help. I didn't lie to Him. I truly said I couldn't see the point, I couldn't see any good coming from it, and most importantly I felt awful and like I didn't deserve it. What changed for me was when I gave up completely. Honestly, I had no choice. I just let it be and asked Allah to handle it because He knew I couldn't anymore. And things slowly got better. Sometimes it surprised me, other times not really. When people talk about hardships, it's like you're supposed to flip 180 degrees right after, and in some parts of my life that did happen, alhamdulilah. Reading the Qur'an and the stories of our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, I understood something I feel isn't talked about enough. Allah cared so deeply about our feelings. He never said you have to surrender perfectly without any doubt. He said have faith in Me and be patient. Allah comforted the Prophet so much, and He didn't just say "it's because I love you." He actually acknowledged his emotions. When I realized this, I had never felt so validated in my whole life. I once heard a sister say something that stuck with me: when you face hardships, it might be hard to accept them or see the growth, but try to thank Allah and think "alhamdulilah, Allah sees growth in me even when I don't. Allah believes in me even when I still don't believe in myself." Don't force it, just say it as you are. I have so many examples, but I think it's better for you to try it yourself and reflect. Because when you look back at your past, every hardship changed something in us. Maybe we needed confidence, or to stand up for ourselves, or to be more caring. And you still have to remind yourself of that from time to time. I'm not trying to speak badly about anyone, but I think this is a good example: when my friend passed away at 19, I heard a woman tell her mom to comfort her by saying Allah wanted her daughter in Jannah and that's why He took her. She had good intentions, but when I heard that, it made me dislike Islam. I don't like when people say such things because I won't feel loved at all. I would think, okay so I could have done something else to be in Jannah, or it's my fault. What helped me deal with her death was honestly accepting that I don't know what might have happened, I don't know what the future held for her, and Allah is the Most Merciful. That brought me much more peace. When I want someone to remember Allah, I want them to think of the times they felt His mercy, His love, His forgiveness. How some people come into our lives and bless us. The times we were scared but somehow got through. We all have memories where Allah blessed us and showed us what it's like to be loved by Him. That's all. I hope things get better and you find calm and comfort.