Wanting to share some difficult thoughts about faith, assalamu alaikum

assalamu alaikum. I’ve worn the hijab since I was 12, but lately it makes me feel like women’s bodies are seen as inherently sinful. People talk about modesty, yet men aren’t held to the same standards even though women find men attractive just like men find women attractive. The hijab and the idea of polygamy are really troubling me - they feel unfair and sometimes make me think about leaving the faith entirely. I can’t understand why Allah would allow polygamy or ask women to cover so much. It feels contradictory when they say Allah cares for women but then threaten women with hell if they don’t follow rules. If you truly care for someone, you wouldn’t threaten punishment for them rejecting something, right? I’m sorry if this sounds rude, this is just how I feel now. I feel resentful toward Allah because there seem to be so many restrictions on women, yet I’m supposed to believe that He cares about our desires. It feels like mental gymnastics. The thought of leaving the faith scares me - my whole life and identity are built on it - but also feels freeing, like I wouldn’t have to live by rules that suffocate me. I cry nights over how unfair everything seems for women. Then I think about death and fear of punishment, and that fear is what keeps me from leaving, not genuine belief, which frustrates me because it doesn’t feel authentic to myself or to Allah. I know it sounds foolish to consider risking my hereafter over issues like hijab or polygamy, but everything feels unfair - men seem to have it easier, and their desires are often normalized. I envy women who love Allah and are devoted and strong in faith. Edit: the idea of seeking a connection with Allah outside institutional religion feels exciting - like a new world to explore where I can focus on understanding Allah and existence instead of being anxious about religious OCD stuff like whether a hair is showing or why a man can have more than one wife. I don’t hate Islam, and I have deep respect for the Prophet ﷺ for working to improve life and rights for women in his time.