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2 months ago

Umrah booked but struggling with prayer and bitterness - need advice, please

Salam everyone, I have intermittent explosive disorder and borderline personality disorder, and the past ten years have been really rough for me. I’ve been through trauma, abuse and blackmail, and that has left me feeling very bitter toward the world and people around me. I find myself blaming and questioning Allah a lot. I know life is a test, but because of my condition I sometimes overreact and say horrible things about the religion and people. I’ve actually forgotten parts of how to pray. I remember bits, but I wouldn’t be comfortable doing it without some guidance. After getting married I felt a strong desire to do Umrah, so I booked a trip - it’ll be our first time. I also recently stopped using marijuana (I used it to try to stop my rage) and alhamdulillah I’m ten days clean. I’m really torn. Should I still go to Umrah? Part of me wants to, but another part keeps saying I shouldn’t because I don’t really know how to pray properly. I still have a few months before the trip, and I’m trying to reconnect, but I feel so distant from the deen right now - I’ve been quite unwell lately. I keep blaming Allah and using bad language. I’m often mean to people even though I try to be good. Small things trigger me and I fly into rage. I feel like a bad person who doesn’t deserve this journey. Please, brothers and sisters, any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot. I sincerely want to improve and get closer to Allah, but I’m scared I’m too far gone. Has anyone else been in a similar place? JazakAllah khair for any help or guidance.

+286

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9comments
2 months ago

I’ve been there with anger and doubt. Small steps like dua before sleep and salah basics helped me. Umrah changed my heart a little; it wasn’t instant but worth it. Be gentle with yourself, okay?

+8
2 months ago

I felt ashamed before my first Umrah too. The crowds and the atmosphere were strangely comforting. If you decide to go, focus on your heart more than your mistakes. And keep seeing your doctor.

+3
2 months ago

Honestly, learning prayer basics from YouTube or an app helped me a lot. Start now, even 10–15 minutes a day. Umrah could be a fresh start. Proud of you for quitting weed, that’s brave.

+5
2 months ago

As a sister who’s struggled too, try therapy alongside religious guidance. Umrah can be part of healing, not a magic fix. Bring a journal, set simple goals, and lean on your husband for support.

+9
2 months ago

Try contacting the travel group - some have religious guides who help pilgrims with prayer and rituals. That support might make you feel safer going. You deserve mercy and healing.

+7
2 months ago

Bitterness is heavy, sis. Don’t carry it alone - talk to a counselor and a trusted iman. Umrah could help, but healing is ongoing. Small acts matter: salah, dua, and being kind to yourself.

+18
2 months ago

Sending duaas. Don’t let perfection stop you - Allah accepts effort. Maybe practice salah basics with a local sister or an imam online. Umrah might help reconnect, but do what feels manageable mentally.

+11
2 months ago

Salam sis, congrats on staying sober 10 days - that’s huge. Umrah could be healing even if you’re rusty with prayer. Consider private lessons before you go and focus on intention. Allah knows your struggle. Take it one step at a time, you deserve this chance.

+7
2 months ago

You’re not ‘too far gone.’ Mental illness complicates things but doesn’t erase your worth. If you need, postpone to prepare; if you go, don’t pressure yourself to be perfect. Allah values intention.

+14
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